You can read about the latest version of the Explicit Relationship here. ∇ However, in this post I am taking a different, simpler approach based on relationship.
Not a Contract
Rather than creating an agreement, which people can interpret as a contract, we are creating an Explicit Relationship. Contracts can be enforced, but when it comes to relationships force does not apply and we don’t want to inject force into it. On the other hand, we do want to make relationships as explicit as possible.
What is often lacking in the world is your explicit expression of yourself. A limited amount of it may come out during arguments, … that’s the way I am. But, in general, most of it never gets expressed out in the open.
Of course, whatever you say about yourself is a snapshot of the way you feel at this moment in time. It is not the “true you” for long and will change tomorrow or a moment after. But it is a place to start.
Explicit Relationships
It’s pretty simple,
- You
- Me
- Your explicit commitments
- My support commitments
Note that when doing this with a group, “me” stands for each person in the group and “my commitment” becomes a list of each co-owner’s commitments to each other.
You & Me
We want to make explicit a) how you experience the world and b) what you have to offer. We want to know how you show up in relationships.
These are in general the questions that you need to think about,
- Who are you?
- How do you show up?
- Why do you need others?
- What do you feel we need to agree on?
- What are your red lines?
- Anything else?
- What gets you angry?
- What shuts you up?
- What makes you excited?
- What are you biggest fears?
- How would we know if you are angry, feel shut up, or excited?
- Do you speak up?
- Do you need to be given permission to speak? You didn’t ask me!
- Do you talk without pausing?
- How do we know if we can interrupt and jump in?
Then the other co-owner talks about how she perceives the world and how she shows up in the world. If there is more than one person involved, they probably have gone through this before and their responses to these questions have been written down and you had a chance to read them.
Your opening up and talking about, for example, your deepest fears won’t happen in one sitting. It will take time for you to figure things out and for you to feel safe enough to open up more and more. This is one of the many skills that we need to learn as part of our moving away from Fiat.
Commitments
As you go through these questions, you will likely bring up things that you would like to change. For some of these, you may even make a commitment, I will keep my voice down even when I am angry.
For each of those commitments, people in the group will make a support commitment to help remind you of it. I will ask you to keep your voice down, even if I have to raise my own voice to get your attention.
After you make your Explicit Commitments and receive support commitments, go through commitments written down in the Explicit Relationship document by other co-owners and add your own support commitments, as appropriate.
ENDNOTES
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Matt Perez. How to Create a RADICAL Startup. 2023. <https://radicalcompanies.com/2023/02/05/how-to-create-a-radical-start-up>
